The pageant was a wonderful experience this past weekend!  I was given the honor of the swimsuit award, the woman who was chosen as having the overall top swimsuit body physique!  I also made it to the semi-final round when the top 12 contestants were announced.  Alison Cronin was crowned Miss Massachusetts USA 2009…she is a beautiful and sweet young woman, and I wish her the best of luck in the upcoming year!  Pictures coming soon…

Results: click in

I had the pleasure of attending the Massachusetts Association for Health, Physical Education, Recreation, and Dance (MAHPERD) Annual Conference as an exhibitor and speaker.  This organization does amazing work giving the overall wellness of youth the attention it warrants.  There was an amazing line-up of workshops and presenters who spoke on various issues related to all age levels and needs.  Another fantastic conference, MAHPERD!

A.T.O.M. held a fantastic conference that educated the trainers on Sudden Cardiac Arrest, its prevalence in young athletes, and options for moving toward control and prevention.  Some numbers estimate that as many as 14,000 young people die from an underlying heart condition ever year…that’s 39 children every day!  It was very informative, and I ended the program with the perspective of an athlete who has experienced diagnosis and treatment.

What a great GRFW luncheon!  The kick-off event promises to be the first of many.  There were great informational break out sessions in the morning with focuses in nutrition, sleep and its connection to heart disease, and financial health.  I was able to tell my story of survival to the entire group during lunch.  The meal finished with a wonderful survivor fashion show that really showcased what Go Red for Women is all about, as women of every age (even as young as 2!) strutted their stuff on the runway while their personal story played in the background.  The Lexington firefighters delivered gifts to all the luncheon attendees at the end.  Great event, Lexington…I had a wonderful time!

Fall River Spirit article: click in

I just want to thank my amazing family and friends for their support at my fundraiser!  I’m certainly a lucky lady…

You have all played a huge role in helping me to this point in my life, and I hope to make all of you proud as I take the stage November 22nd and 23rd in Quincy for the title of Miss Massachusetts USA.  Thank you all again!!!

I had a great night speaking to a wonderful group at Journey Studio and Spa in Hyannis.  I met the amazing American Heart Association team that is behind the Cape Cod Go Red for Women luncheon that will take place Feburary 11, 2009, as well as the key sponsors and supporting women that make the event possible. 

Fall River Spirit article:

Sometimes we overwhelm ourselves. 

Yes, I know…you’re saying, “Duh, Michaela…I do that every day.”

There are just so many things that we “should” do in our lives.  Ladies, especially, I know how it is…work your full-time job, do your tasks and upkeep around the house, take care of the kids, pay the bills, participate in a bunch of other stuff (PTO, youth soccer, Board meetings, volunteer work, fundraising, etc., etc.)…the list goes on.

Oh, and by the way, you are supposed to eat healthy (What do you mean on-the-go-food is unhealthy?!?!), get to the gym every day (Does driving by and looking at it count?), not be stressed (Why would I be stressed?  Oh, my God, I forgot to pick up Timmy from school!), and look good (or keep picking out that same black outfit that hides the extra pounds).

Is this even possible?!?!  You know what you are supposed to do, but how does anyone really have time to do it?

Here’s one idea: Simplify.

Take that step back and realize that the smallest steps can make a difference, and that your health does need to be on that priority list. 

Here’s some thoughts:

-Buy a nice huge water thermos and drink extra water all day at work.

-Take the stairs at work (no elevators!) and anywhere else possible.

-Make up that fun superheroes game with your kids (you know, that involves running around as a flying machine…race your kids!).

-Do an exercise program with your kids…lots of kids think it’s fun to imitate the exercises on TV.

-Get rid of the soda and junk food!

-Walk on your work break.

-Stretch out your muscles during those couple of free minutes during the day, every chance you get to release a little tension.

-Learn some deep breathing and relaxation techniques.

-Pick out fresh fruits and vegetables whenever possible…and keep only healthy snacks on hand so you won’t be tempted when you are hungry or stressed.

-Reserve a baby-sitter for a couple of hours on at least one day per week to get in that sweat-drenching, uninterrupted, long workout you need (many gyms offer kid-sitting services too!)

-Instead of just going to little Katie’s practices and games, coach them if you can!  Running around during a kids’ practice can be exhausting and great!

-Make a plan, but don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t work.  You planned for an hour at the gym this morning, but everything went wrong. You’re left with 20 minutes.  Don’t give up on your workout: use those 20 minutes…it’s better than no minutes!

The important point is to do something.  Moving forward with the smallest steps can equal huge results.  Set a list of goals for yourself, and decide that your health is worth it!

Fall River Spirit article: click in

I headed out to Toronto to guest speak and meet some amazing children and teenagers who have pacemakers and internal defibrillators (like mine) at an amazing informational and supportive event.

I recently had a class in which our topic and discussion revolved around grief, death, and loss. The professor explained that while this could often be a subject considered taboo, it was something that everyone was going to experience in his or her life. It was something that should be explored and confronted. He went on to assert that every day needs to be cherished, and you should change yourself to be the person you want to be remembered as.

“When you are driving in your car, do you look through your rearview mirror to drive forward? Give this a try when you get home, and let me know how it goes,” he joked.

He explained that we look through the front windshield to move forward. The rearview mirror is there for glancing, a way to check on where you’ve been, what might be coming, and how to make a better decision. It’s the same way with life. We need to look forward in order to move forward. We can’t change where we have been, but we can certainly steer our car in a new direction.

Now, I don’t think this was the first time I had been introduced to this analogy, but for some reason this time it really made me reflect. It’s really difficult sometimes to move away from the people we are and habits we have. It’s easier to maintain the course we have had for so long.

There is always a new day, though. There is always a chance to stop and say, “I have this moment to either reflect on what was, or what could be.”

This, of course, can be applied to the way we treat others and the morals we have in our lives, but it is also relevant to our health. It’s important to hear yourself say: “I have the choice to take care of myself from this moment on. I have the choice to eat well, see my doctor, exercise, stop smoking, and reduce the stress in my life. I can let myself remain in the lifestyle that my past has produced, or I can design a new existence for myself…and it can all begin at this very moment.”

So, next time you’re driving, take a glance back in that mirror. Are you happy with where you’ve been? Most importantly, where are you going next?

I was able to be the guest speaker at an amazing conference for young people with ICD’s.  I also lead a break out session specifically geared toward young women with cardiac devices.  It is the first time I had been surrounded by so many women my own age who have defibrillators, and we had an amazing discussion surrounding stereotypes, problems, issues, triumph, and everything in between.  Hope we write a book one day, ladies!

Can I dance?  Two words: Hell no.  Now, I’ve been known to shake my booty and get down at a family wedding, but I’m pretty sure it’s not overly graceful or rich in talent.  In fact, I’m sure it’s entertaining on all the wrong levels…like the ones that involve hysterical laughing.

The thing is, it’s fun!  You sweat, you laugh, you feel the burn, and most of the people around you look just as silly.  So who cares?!?

On a recent vacation, I decided to attend the Latin-inspired dance classes that were being offered.  What did I have to lose?  It’s not like I was going to see any of my fellow dancers again, and vacation is always a nice time to try something new and daring (not to mention, it’s also a time when my pants might get a little tighter on me if I’m too lazy).

What a blast!  I was a meringue and cha-cha addict by the end of the trip.  The instructors even said I was a “promising” beginner.  Granted, there’s a good chance they might have said that to everyone, but I’ll hold onto it for what it’s worth.  I worked up a great sweat, learned a new hobby, and had the time of my life.  It made me feel so healthy throughout the trip, both physically and mentally, and it’s something I’ve continued to practice since. 

I know the old gym routine or morning run gets old.  I dread the thought of the typical, monotonous, everyday workout.  We all know we have to exercise, so why not make it something to look forward to?  Check out that hip hop dance class at your gym.  Tell your friend you will finally join her kayaking.  Take some regular walks with a couple of friends who make you laugh.  Kick boxing anyone? 

Make being healthy fun!!  Try something new, even if it’s out of character, and I bet you will surprise yourself.  The good time you have will leave you wanting more, and your body and mind will certainly thank you in the long run.

Sometimes it’s easier to simply not know.  Often we choose to live in question, rather than knowing the truth. 

And it BOGGLES my mind.

Despite all the advances in technology and research, some people just don’t want to be told something could be wrong with their health.  Been there.  Done that.  I used to tell myself it would have been much better to not have found out I have a heart condition so that I could have just lived a regular life…but who knows what could have happened had I not followed through with diagnosis and treatment? 

It takes an extreme amount of bravery to squarely look yourself in the mirror and want to know everything going on inside of you.  It takes even more courage to make the appointment to know for sure if you are healthy.  No one wants to experience that moment of bad news.  No one wants to be told they are no longer invincible.  The truth is, though, that even more so no one wants a knock on their door telling them someone they loved has passed away unexpectedly.

My sophomore year of college I was instructed to write an essay about an important personal experience that changed my life.  In my assignment, I explored the moment I was diagnosed with LongQT Syndrome while in high school.  I intensely illustrated every sensation I felt during that moment I was told I have a heart condition that could unexpectedly claim my life at any moment, intricately describing my emotions and the way they played out over the weeks that followed.  The following class my professor “published” our essays into a packet and distributed everyone’s writing project to each other.  It was fun to check out my peers’ important experiences and develop a deeper understanding for the people they were.

That night at 9:30 I got a knock on the door to my dorm room.  There stood Ashley, the girl who sat two seats behind me in class.  The essays were in her hand, and tears were streaming down her face. 

“This is me,” she sobbed.  “Your story is my story.”

For the next hour she told me that in high school they suspected she had LongQT Syndrome because she had passed out during crew season several times.  She was on the crew team in college, but could not find it within herself to finish getting tested.  She lived in fear, and the only thing that scared her more than passing out again was being diagnosed.  She didn’t know what she would do if she couldn’t be an athlete any longer…I knew that feeling only too well. 

I picked up my essay where I had left off.  I told her that I hadn’t been able to play sports, but I had found other amazing attributes within myself.  Eventually I was able to be an athlete again, so there was hope for her too.  The most important thing, though, was that we were both still alive.  Ashley and I were lucky.

We shared many tears together, and she told me it felt so good to not be alone and share her secret with someone who understood.  When she left that night, I thought I had given the persuasive argument of my life.  I felt like I could’ve walked into any debate competition at that point and given it absolute hell. 

Following our talk, Ashley’s mother called my own.  They shared their stories, my mom re-living our family’s experience and giving advice on how to proceed with being examined.

A different Ashley entered my room one week later, a numb robot who told me she wasn’t going to find out if she had a heart condition.  She had thought about it hard.  Crew meant too much to her, and it was better to not know.

I was stunned.  I tried to tell her the same words that had seemed to encourage her only 7 days ago, but my words fell upon deaf ears.

Classes ended for the year a few weeks later, and I never heard from Ashley again.  I would periodically check the crew roster on our school’s website.  Her name remained on it for the next two years.

The whole experience blew me away.  I guess you can’t convince everyone to be aware of their health.  I can only say I try to give it my best shot.  It takes so much strength to take the steps to truly understand ourselves, whether it be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically.  Challenge yourself to gain this knowledge, and grow into a healthy individual who gives herself the best possible chance of longevity, health, and happiness.

There was nothing I ever wanted more than to play Division I soccer in college.  The moment I stepped on the field in fifth grade for the first time, I loved the game.  I loved everything about it: the speed, the aggression, the strategy, the teamwork.  Right through high school, I was a leader on my teams.  I transformed into a fighter who would do anything (legal!) to support my teammates and perform my best.  There is nothing in my life that has ever made me feel so alive.

During my senior year, two weeks after soccer season ended, I was told I might have a life-threatening heart condition.  My dreams completely shattered.  Six months later it was confirmed that I have LongQT Syndrome, and competitive sports were no longer an option for me.  It twisted and wrenched my heart in a way that no ex-boyfriend could ever come close to doing to a girl.  My passion had been stripped from me. A piece of my identity was simply stolen away. 

Two months later I was asking my doctor if I could get “one of those metal things” put into my chest in order to play soccer again.  He agreed to let me have an Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator (ICD) surgically placed in my chest and wired into my heart.  The device would keep me safe, and considering my relative lack of symptoms, I could return to the field. 

One month before entering college, I had my first ICD implanted.  I went through rehab and trained in the spring of my freshman year with the Division I UMass Amherst soccer team.  I quickly returned to great soccer shape and gave the game everything I had.  The following summer I showed up for official try-outs, nervous and scared because the doorway to the greatest dream of my life was finally in front of me. 

The coach stood before us all, announcing he would not be expanding his roster as originally intended.  I did the math.  There was one spot left on the team.  He needed forwards, and I played defense.

I worked my butt off that week, and I was cut.  I’d never been cut from a team in my life, and here it was, the one team that mattered like no other to me. 

I concentrated on I what I had, not on what I didn’t.  Being cut from that team was one of the best things that could have happened to me.  I watched one of my closest friends who was on the team flunk most of her classes because of the time and travel involved.  I saved up a good deal of money with an on-campus job, and I was extremely successful in my art major and the UMass Commonwealth College honors program.  I went on to conquer the pageant world, becoming Miss Massachusetts and developing a whole new passion that came from educating others and advocating for heart disease awareness through my personal story.

Dreams are so important, and there are some that may never come true for us.  On the other side of these “failures,” however, can certainly arise an ambition and sense of enthusiasm for something new and meaningful.  Never stop dreaming…just don’t be afraid to restructure and build them as needed.

I met Matt when he was 10-years-old.  I was volunteering at an adolescent shelter while in college, and it was my first of many experiences in a youth residential facility.  After receiving the proper training, I was instructed to read the files of the children and teenagers living at the shelter.  Hundreds of files later, Matt’s story was still one of the most horrific and sickening experiences of abuse I had ever seen, and it still is to this date.  Not only was it a miracle this child was alive, but you never would have guessed that Matt had known such violence in his short life.

“We’re playing kickball today?  Awesome!!  I love kickball!!”

“You’re cooking chicken for dinner?  Mmmm…that is gonna be so good!  Woo-hoo!”  (The “Woo-hoo” was always my favorite…a classic Matt word.)

Matt loved life, simply loved being alive.  I’ll always remember one of my co-workers explaining to me that Matt was his shining star.  It is so easy to get burnt-out in the human services field and feel hopeless…but then one kid, one shining star, comes along and makes all of your hard work worth every inch of effort.

Matt was different from most of the other kids I have worked with who have similar backgrounds.  Following three years of volunteering at the shelter, I worked for four years at a residential/educational facility for youth, ages 4-19, in need.  Most came from abusive situations with varying emotional, behavioral, and cognitive issues.  Most felt life was not worthy of a positive attitude or the hope that their existence would ever get better.  It was very hard to fault a child for his or her attitude, a child who had never known anything else in life but negativity, violence, and neglect.

Matt has always served as a role model to me, the ten-year-old boy who appreciated everything in life.  Matt has helped me keep a sense of purpose and perspective during those difficult days and trying times.  We all have our days when we feel sorry for what is wrong with us or what we have had to experience.  I’ll admit, I have had moments when I was wondered why heart disease had to happen to me, felt overwhelmed with very emotional work and advocacy, or did not understand the scar on my chest nor the cardiac device underneath it.  The image of Matt’s face in my mind snapped me right out of that attitude.  Life could certainly be worse for me.  The important piece is how I dealt with what life threw at me. 

Our lives can prove complex, our jobs are tough, but look for those shining stars around all of us – those people or those moments that help you re-focus on the amazing life you lead or could lead.  Choose to change perspective, and always remain positive.

Want to meet some of the most incredible and inspiring people around?  Seek out a child who is living with a heart condition.  I know there are few people I have met with that much resilience and strength…

Last year I was a guest at PACE Camp, a camp for kids who have cardiac devices.  This past Fall I was invited to be a bunk counselor at Camp Meridian, a camp for children with congenital heart defects.  In between all of that, I have met so many outstanding young individuals who refuse to let heart disease define them.  Let me tell you, there is nothing like spending time with these survivors.  Their courage, outlook, and sense of purpose are unmatched.

When I walked across the Miss America stage last year, I was featured all over the media as the “heart survivor contestant who was going to show her big scar in the swimsuit competition.”  I guess we all have to be remembered for something.  At camp, however, there was nothing quite like comparing scars with an eight-year-old who has had open heart surgery, the same kid who thinks your scar is “totally awesome”.  Nothing beats having a 5-year-old who has a pacemaker look up at you and say, “That’s so cool!  Miss Massachusetts has a heart problem too!”  The best part, however, might be sitting in the middle of a group of pre-teen girls trying on my crown who are psyched to know that there’s a chance they could be Miss America one day, heart condition and all. 

Most of these kids have looked death squarely in the face.  They survived the odds.  I’ve watched children who once couldn’t move from a bed climb an outdoor adventure wall.  I have seen young kids with wisdom and maturity beyond their years encourage their peers to be proud of whom they are, to know they will never be made fun of here at camp, and to never give up.  No adult, survivor or not, can offer that sort of love and support.  That’s good stuff. 

I hope I have contributed to their viewing their syndromes with a new sense of hope…but above all, they have given me the drive to continue my work for them and so many like them in our world.  Programs like Camp Meridian give them the extra push to embrace their differences, challenge themselves, and feel at home with those facing similar challenges…not to mention having adult bunk counselors who are all survivors themselves.

Maybe we should all be diagnosed with a heart condition at a young age? (or at least work with some children who have experienced these ailments)…Trust me, I don’t wish my condition or other diseases on anyone, but would we then appreciate our hearts, taking care of them in the best way possible?  Would we gain a new perspective on the value of our lives, our bodies, and the engine that keeps us running despite the way we might abuse it?  There are lessons to learn from everyone we meet in life, and these kids are certainly no exception.

Last year I attended the Boston Bruins Go Red for Women night as Miss Massachusetts, and what a night it was… 

I educated people about heart disease being the number one killer of women, I sat in the special seats between the two hockey teams’ benches during the third period (man, did it smell!), and I was able to achieve one of my most secret and desired aspirations…yup, you guessed it – riding a Zamboni.  With the wind and ice chips blowing in my face, I felt like a true superstar.

I met many other heart survivors that evening, including a beautiful girl about 9 years old.  Jenny had an amazing story of overcoming the odds, and we took many pictures of the two of us hugging.  I posted a picture of us on the Miss Mass website, and it quickly became one of my favorites.

This year I returned to the Bruins GRFW night, this time without a crown or Zamboni ride.  Another beauty contestant (not as a survivor, but quite frankly an absolutely gorgeous woman who had me in awe) took the spotlight that night in our advocacy area, and I watched as a girl ran up to her with open arms.  Just as she approached the young woman, she stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes filling up with tears as she looked up.  It took me a minute to recognize Jenny after realizing the full year of growth children are known to accumulate.  Jenny’s mom apologized to the lovely queen, explaining that her daughter thought that she was someone else.  I locked eyes with Jenny’s mom, and she quickly pointed her daughter in my direction. 

I received one of the greatest hugs of my life that night.  In that moment, I realized I had played some sort of impact on this young girl, and I was clueless as to how.  Jenny was crying hard at this point, not letting me go…that just made the tears stream down my own face.  As I held her, her mom who was also crying (I’m sure we caught a few interesting stares from our emotional reunion), told me that Jenny used to look at my website every day to see the picture of the two of us.  She would always tell Jenny when she looked at the picture that she can be whatever she wants to be, even Miss Massachusetts, despite all of the difficulties and challenges she had in her life. 

Wow.  When we think about being a role model, we often think about children we see in our everyday lives.  I never knew the impact I could have on a girl I briefly met once.  You never know who you can inspire, and our actions certainly speak for who we are.  That night kept me so motivated to not only continue educating about heart disease, but also to seek out other young people affected by cardiac conditions as a means to help them view their syndromes with a new sense of hope.  Heart disease does not have to define you.  Rather, it can inspire you to take positive action that can only in turn inspire others.